*Disclaimer, much longer post than usual.*
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!
Fun fact; there are an average of 220,000 weddings hosted each year on Valentine’s Day. Now to think about this fact logically (wedding planner brain, sorry)… Let’s assume there is an average of 100 guests per each of these weddings. That means 22 MILLION guests may be entering a reception on just this one day, looking for somewhere to sit.
Remember how workshop post #27 was titled “The B-List Disaster”? This post could easily be titled “Multiple Reception Seating Disasters”.
Take yourself back to middle school, when (more than likely) your elementary school combined with one or two others, into one middle school. You knew a few people at the new school but about half were strangers to you. Do you remember walking into the lunchroom for the first time and looking around for a familiar face to sit with? Or do you remember seeing someone you didn’t know enter the lunchroom with a slight look of panic on their face, as they scan the room for somewhere to sit?
You may have been a social butterfly and comfortable with making new friends on day one, but many people are not. That look of slight panic? Yep, I see it at weddings ALL. THE. TIME. Guests that know very few people (or no one at all) enter the reception and immediately look for (or ask me for) the seating chart. When I tell them they are welcome to sit where they’d like, the “great, -I’m-going-to-get-stuck-with-total-strangers-and-have-no-one-to-talk-to-during-dinner-because-I’m-a-complete-introvert” facial expression sets in.
Guests are accustomed to having a seating chart. Do you have to assign where at each table the guests sit?** Heck no. That’s a LOT of work. But can you at least guide them to a specific table? Yes. It really doesn’t take long to create (tips at the end of this post!).
Exhibit A: 220 Guests and NO Seating Chart
I was only a day-of coordinator and had no input regarding any details, until the 11th hour (which is why now that I own my own business, day-of services start well in advance). The seating tables for guests were 60” rounds, which are most comfortable for eight chairs, but can squeeze nine or ten if you don’t mind being packed in like sardines. A total of 28 tables were set up to accommodate 220 guests. That’s 28 linens rented and 28 centerpieces (these were NOT cheap). Each setting was complete with linen napkins, chargers, water goblets that catering staff pre-filled, and silverware. As guests entered and realized there was no seating chart, they began to move chairs and SQUEEZE 10-12 people per table. Some because they had large families that sat together. Some because they didn’t want to sit in the back of the room where the open seats were located. Some because they “didn’t like” the people at open tables. And yes, I was told that to my face when I offered a less crowded table. A total of 7 tables at the back of the room remained empty. By my calculations, that was over $1000 in floral centerpieces at tables no one even sat at. What guests didn’t consider when they moved chairs was that they also need to move at least their water glass, napkin, and silverware. I’ve never seen a catering staff run SO HARD at a wedding. Dinner service ran behind because the staff was busy fetching items guests needed at crowded tables, that were available at open tables, which then set the entire timeline of the evening behind. Guests acted frustrated and irritated and blamed the catering staff for being “unprepared”, when in actuality, the guests caused the snowball effect of issues by moving tables.
EXHIBIT B: No Seating Chart Resulted in Hurt Feelings and Tears
This wedding was a more intimate affair with just close family and friends. Just as in exhibit A, guests started moving chairs and combining tables (so tight that one guest was eating on his lap because there was no table space). One particular family member and her spouse took seats at an open table, just as guests were entering the reception. Guest after guest walked past them, looking right at the open table, then squeezing in to an already full table. It was clear that there was family drama I was unaware of… but I’d soon find out! Well, we’d ALL find out. The family member at the open table waited until her liquid courage kicked in, before approaching a few of the overcrowded tables to voice her displeasure in how she felt she was being treated. NOT quietly or discreetly, mind you. This family member was convinced she was treated as a black sheep on purpose due to a family secret. When I say that the family dirty laundry got aired in the middle of the reception, I’m talking it got washed, dried, washed again, washed a 3rd time for good measure, and THEN hung to dry. Hands down the most uncomfortable situation I have ever witnessed in my 20+ years in this industry. Several guests left early in tears, due to the hurtful things that were said (and I’m sure partially due to sheer embarrassment). Would the secret have come out eventually? Probably. But could it have been avoided at a wedding of all places? Absolutely, with a seating chart that told guests which tables to occupy.
Are these extreme examples? For sure. But these unforgettable nights have helped shape why I have some of the policies I do, and why I am adamant about certain aspects of a wedding. These are only two examples. I could provide many more.
Creating a seating chart isn’t too difficult if you start with a plan. Tips to get started:
- When setting up your initial guest list, color code or put a symbol next to names you’d likely seat near each other. This helps narrow things down from the get-go. You don’t need to know how many tables you’re working with, table size or RSVP status yet. This is just a visual to get you started.
- Don’t focus too much on WHERE in the room each person/table is located, in the beginning of this process. Start with how many are seated per table.
- Start by grouping your wedding party, followed by immediate family. Next, either close friends or additional family members. The guests names that are left are generally those that may not know too many people and can be grouped by common interests or however you see fit.
- Start thinking about table assignments early or as RSVP’s come in. By waiting until after your RSVP’s are all received to even start, you’ll stress due to being tight on time. If you have a general idea of who will be seated with whom, all you’ll need to do is minor tweaks as RSVP’s come in.
- The Clothes Pin Method: Grab enough wooden clothes pins for your guest count, and either paper plates or pieces of paper equal to the number of tables you need. Write one guest’s name per clothes pin, then number your pieces of paper. Clip the clothes pins in the seating groupings you want, to the paper or plate. Using clothes pins allows you to easily clip and unclip to move guests around as needed (or remove if they RSVP as a “no”). Once you have groupings in place, THEN you can figure out where in the room you’d like each of those tables.
- The Post-It Method: Ultimately, this is the exact same idea as the clothes pins, just using Post-It notes. These tend to be more readily available than clothes pins, but they do take up more space, they curl, and become less sticky as they get moved around.
- The Spreadsheet Method: I’ll be honest, this one makes me go cross-eyed. I need something physical to move around before adding any names to a spreadsheet. But if setting up tables on a spreadsheet works for you, go for it!
- The Delegation Method: If you know you’re going to struggle with how to group people, delegate this task and then make final tweaks yourself. Asking a parent or sibling (someone that knows most of the guest list) to help get you started, is highly recommended. Let someone that doesn’t have wedding planning on the brain 24/7 take a stab at it, then turn it over to you for any final adjustments.
**Important note- if you are serving a plated meal, you absolutely need name cards and a seating chart. The caterers need to know which plates belong to which guests, which are often marked on name cards. As a planner, I also provide copies of the seating plan to the caterer for plated meals, to increase efficiency during dinner service.
More seating chart questions? Send a message to info@weducationworkshops.com to have your question answered in an upcoming post!
Helping YOU say ‘I-DO’,
Your WedUcator