Prepare yourself for another one of those “there is no right or wrong answer” posts. My advice below is based on 20 years in the wedding & events industry, paired with all the weddings I have participated in as a bridesmaid.
More so brides than grooms, the “who will be in my wedding party” thoughts begin once you realize you’ve found “the one” (iiiiifffffffffff not sooner). Siblings. Cousins. Soon-to-be-inlaws. Childhood friends. College friends. Newer friends. There are likely some decisions to be made.
Before anything else, let me say this: you do NOT have to ask anyone to be part of your wedding party, out of feelings of obligation.
- Were you in their wedding 3 years ago, but the friendship has dwindled? You are NOT obligated to ask them to be in your wedding party.
- Groom have a sister you’ve never met aside from over FaceTime, because she lives halfway across the world? You are NOT obligated to ask her to be a bridesmaid (he is welcome to ask her to stand on his side, if he’d really like her involved).
- Bride have brothers that her fiancé is not at all close with? He is NOT obligated to ask them to be groomsmen (again, they can stand on your side if you want them involved).
- Made a pact with a friend when you were 8 years old, to be in each other’s wedding?You. Were. Eight.
- Feeling obligated to ask one more person so it’s an even number on each side of the aisle? Don’t stress about it! Uneven numbers in the wedding party is 100000% okay.
- Does your mom think it will cause family drama if your 2nd cousin is not asked to be a bridesmaid? Too bad. You are NOT obligated.
Yes, nosy people (especially the ones feeling left out) are going to ask the “why” of your wedding party selection. Yes, those with no boundaries are going to ask you point-blank if they are in your wedding. No, your reasoning for asking someone to participate doesn’t have to be the same reasons as your fiancé. Set boundaries and trust your gut. Ask those that YOU feel inclined to ask.
I think it also important to note that there is no wedding handbook that lists rule #14 as requiring you to have a wedding party at all. Want it to be just you and your fiancé at the altar? Do it! No one you’re inclined to ask? Absolutely okay! Get overwhelmed by too many people being involved? Ask just a MOH and best man!
Now that we’ve covered the who… let’s chat when. “When to ask my friends to be bridesmaids” is a frequently asked question I see popping up in the wedding planning forums on socials. Here is my best advice: find a happy medium between ‘not too early’ and ‘give them time to save up for wedding costs’.
Stats are showing couples are now having longer engagements than in years past, to allow time to save up for wedding costs. If you become engaged in early 2025 but are planning for a 2027 wedding, consider how your relationship with your potential wedding party may change in that time. Think back to previous friendships or relationships. Did you have a period of time where you were close, but you’re no longer are? Asking too early does put you at risk for changing your mind in a few months or a year, because the relationship has changed. That “when to ask” post on socials turns into a “how to tell them I’ve changed your mind” post. Hurt feelings, resentment, and loss of friendship may result.
Choose wisely, lovebirds!
Helping YOU say ‘I-DO’,
Your WedUcator