Controversy alert! I know I will stir a bit up with this opinion. And it’s just that, my opinion. Take it or leave it.
As a planner that is firm on etiquette and has seen this scenario go south more than a handful of times over 200+ weddings, having a “B-List” for backup invites is a hard NO for me.
From an etiquette standpoint, my opinion is if someone is important enough to you to be invited to share your special day with you, they should be invited from the get-go. No one wants or likes to feel like they were a back up plan to fill an empty seat*. Late invites don’t give guests much time to plan for travel if applicable, find childcare if needed, etc.
*Let’s touch on that empty seat thing real quick. I strongly recommend against working with venues or caterers that require you to pay for a minimum number of people whether you plan to invite that many, or not. Once your final count deadline arrives and you turn in your numbers, yes, you will be held to that count. But if you’re choosing a package for 150 guests from the get-go and will be charged 150 regardless of how many RSVP when that final count is due… that’s on you. Sending out 40 more invites just 4 weeks in advance because there have been 40 declines and you need to “fill the seat” just isn’t kosher in my book.
Yes, this example below is the most extreme I have experienced. But it happened. It ruined the reception. And it cost the couple a whole lot of extra money in damages to the venue. Story time!
Against my urging, the couple sent out a few dozen invites to B-list invitees. Late in the evening, after liquor had been flowing for several hours at the reception, a few guests waiting for drinks at the bar struck up conversation. How the topic even came up, I will never know. Ultimately, the guests pieced together that they received their invites over a month apart. Guest A was LIVID that she was a “back up plan” (as she kept shouting) and confronted the bride in the middle of the dancefloor. A screaming match ensued, followed by the groom and husband of Guest A (both several drinks deep) getting into a physical altercation as they defended their respective wives. Insert broken glasses, a broken venue door, police arrival (called by venue staff), a devastated bride in tears, and the most awkward ending to a reception that I think I will ever experience in my career. Should Guest A have kept a lid on it? ABSOLUTELY. But emotions and intoxication won.
All I ask is that you put yourself in the position of a B-lister. Would you be a little offended?
Helping YOU say ‘I-DO’,
Your WedUcator